Dear Reader: on the Fall of Man (Apple and Vanilla Custard Tarts)

Today I stumbled upon the answer to the million dollar question (no, it is not 42). Some of you may ask, "why did Adam and Eve eat the apples?" Well if I may be allowed to stretch the term "sinful" in its application to the tastiness of food, I believe apple and vanilla custard tarts to be the sinful catalyst for the fall of man. Anyways, enough with the extended comparison. Here you go.

Imagine a vanilla spiked custard topped with tender, cinnamon speckled apples that spread a sticky syrup over the edges of the flaky crust that holds everything together. Caution: Do not eat more than one of these or you may actually pop.

For the custard (courtesy of Epicurious): Heat 3 cups of whole milk until hot but not boiling, you can substitute a little half and half in if you want. In a separate and heat proof (unless you want to have a fun lesson in heat and frequent expanding and contracting) bowl, mix 8 egg yolks (sorry chickens. So much of your hard work in one recipe.), 2/3 C of sugar, 1/4 C of cornstarch, and 1/4 tsp. of salt. Add one cup of the heated milk to the yolk mixture gradually, stirring the whole time so you don't have a dairy heavy egg drop soup. Then add the egg mixture back to the rest of the milk. Heat on medium low, stirring constantly until the custard stays on the back of a spoon. Then strain it and add 1 Tbsp of butter and 1 tsp, of vanilla extract. Stir it and then you can put it in the fridge or something. Or behind a waterfall or in a creek, in a sealed container, of course.

For the crust: Well now, this is awkward. See, the crust is my family's secret recipe. But for the ambitious who want to make their own, I would recommend Epicurious for a recipe, or you could buy frozen. I'll only judge a little. Roll out the dough to about a fourth of an inch's thickness. To form the tart shell shape, place a muffin tin upside down and gently mold the dough around the upside down batter hole. I'm sure there is a more technical name for that part of a muffin tin. Bake at whatever heat your recipe suggests, but check periodically because the tarts, being much more wee than a pie, will cook faster. Once baked, let them cool a pretty long time and then gently twist the shells off their batter holes. I consider myself talented at this because I didn't break any of them, fragile as they are. For the apples: I'm skipping the picture here because they take forever to load. And I took it while the dish was still inside our oven, which is from the 1950's at least and has not been cleaned since then either. *Ahem.* Take four granny smith apples and peel them, then slice them to an appropriate looking thickness. Mix half 1 C sugar, 2 tsp cinnamon, and 1 Tbsp cornstarch in a bowl, then coat the apple slices in the mixture. Lay the apples in an oven safe dish of your choice. You can add 1/4 C cranberries too or whatever throughout the mixture, whatever floats your boat. Then dot the surface with butter, and pour 1/3 to 1/2 C of water over the apples, depending on how crisp vs tender you want your apples (more water is more tender, less water is more crispy). Then bake them at 350 radians (only kidding. I meant degrees kelvin. Sorry, it's late. I mean Fahrenheit. I spelled that right on the first try! Sorry again. It's late.) for 25 minutes or until the liquid at the bottom is syrupy and the apples are relatively mushy. To assemble: Spoon the custard into the shells until about 2/3 of the way full, then place 3-4 apple slices on top of the custard, making sure to get a little bit of the sauce at the bottom too. Then you can try and eat them with your hands if you want. I congratulate you if you can do this neatly, I think I dropped enough custard on the table to drown a smallish weasel. ~FIN~