Dear Reader: on the Fall of Man (Apple and Vanilla Custard Tarts)

Today I stumbled upon the answer to the million dollar question (no, it is not 42). Some of you may ask, "why did Adam and Eve eat the apples?" Well if I may be allowed to stretch the term "sinful" in its application to the tastiness of food, I believe apple and vanilla custard tarts to be the sinful catalyst for the fall of man. Anyways, enough with the extended comparison. Here you go.

Imagine a vanilla spiked custard topped with tender, cinnamon speckled apples that spread a sticky syrup over the edges of the flaky crust that holds everything together. Caution: Do not eat more than one of these or you may actually pop.

For the custard (courtesy of Epicurious): Heat 3 cups of whole milk until hot but not boiling, you can substitute a little half and half in if you want. In a separate and heat proof (unless you want to have a fun lesson in heat and frequent expanding and contracting) bowl, mix 8 egg yolks (sorry chickens. So much of your hard work in one recipe.), 2/3 C of sugar, 1/4 C of cornstarch, and 1/4 tsp. of salt. Add one cup of the heated milk to the yolk mixture gradually, stirring the whole time so you don't have a dairy heavy egg drop soup. Then add the egg mixture back to the rest of the milk. Heat on medium low, stirring constantly until the custard stays on the back of a spoon. Then strain it and add 1 Tbsp of butter and 1 tsp, of vanilla extract. Stir it and then you can put it in the fridge or something. Or behind a waterfall or in a creek, in a sealed container, of course.

For the crust: Well now, this is awkward. See, the crust is my family's secret recipe. But for the ambitious who want to make their own, I would recommend Epicurious for a recipe, or you could buy frozen. I'll only judge a little. Roll out the dough to about a fourth of an inch's thickness. To form the tart shell shape, place a muffin tin upside down and gently mold the dough around the upside down batter hole. I'm sure there is a more technical name for that part of a muffin tin. Bake at whatever heat your recipe suggests, but check periodically because the tarts, being much more wee than a pie, will cook faster. Once baked, let them cool a pretty long time and then gently twist the shells off their batter holes. I consider myself talented at this because I didn't break any of them, fragile as they are. For the apples: I'm skipping the picture here because they take forever to load. And I took it while the dish was still inside our oven, which is from the 1950's at least and has not been cleaned since then either. *Ahem.* Take four granny smith apples and peel them, then slice them to an appropriate looking thickness. Mix half 1 C sugar, 2 tsp cinnamon, and 1 Tbsp cornstarch in a bowl, then coat the apple slices in the mixture. Lay the apples in an oven safe dish of your choice. You can add 1/4 C cranberries too or whatever throughout the mixture, whatever floats your boat. Then dot the surface with butter, and pour 1/3 to 1/2 C of water over the apples, depending on how crisp vs tender you want your apples (more water is more tender, less water is more crispy). Then bake them at 350 radians (only kidding. I meant degrees kelvin. Sorry, it's late. I mean Fahrenheit. I spelled that right on the first try! Sorry again. It's late.) for 25 minutes or until the liquid at the bottom is syrupy and the apples are relatively mushy. To assemble: Spoon the custard into the shells until about 2/3 of the way full, then place 3-4 apple slices on top of the custard, making sure to get a little bit of the sauce at the bottom too. Then you can try and eat them with your hands if you want. I congratulate you if you can do this neatly, I think I dropped enough custard on the table to drown a smallish weasel. ~FIN~

Dear reader: you laugh.

So. After consulting with two of my faithful readers (actually it was more like being mocked late at night by two best friends for the way I address my nonexistent faithful readers), I have discovered that perhaps "pumpkin muffins of glory" may be a title somewhat hard to take seriously. And that formatting errors, even when paired with an apology, are every bit as mockable as without an apology. For these reasons that fill me with shame, I will be discontinuing my blog for roughly five minutes. ...Ok, five minutes have passed. If you're wondering, it's summer and the aforementioned people are at the beach, so I'm bored. And blogging. If it can be called that. Anyways, you've all probably been sitting on the edges of your seats since my last post, wondering, "what has Sarah been making lately?" Well. You, my friends, are in for a treat. I recently made... well, I made a card. And I guess some cookies about two weeks ago. *awkward foot shuffle* ...in conclusion to this rambling and pointless post, I would just like to say that two of mah buddies and I shall be making a CD shortly. Of music. And stuff. That is all. You may rise and exit, my wee minions.

Dear reader: Pumpkin muffins of glory

There comes a time in everyone's life when they say to themself, "Gee, I wish I had a pumpkin muffin right now." For me, dear reader, that time was yesterday. And so I made pumpkin muffins.

This recipe was modified from a certain Jane Brody's Good Food Book, with recipes from "Whole-Wheat Raisin Cookies" to "Pilaf With a Purpose." So of course, I had to make a healthier version of it. The result? A moist, cake-like muffin with hints of cinnamon, perfect with a little butter and a large glass of milk.

Recipe:
1/2 C sugar
1/4 C vegetable oil
1/4 C plain yoghurt, preferably greek (I used FAGE)
3/4 C pumpkin puree
2 eggs
1/8 C milk
1 C whole wheat flour (home ground, if possible. Whole Foods also carries feathery flour if you prefer your whole wheat that tastes unhealthy.)
1/2 C white flour
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. cinnamon
1/4 tsp. salt (don't skip the salt, tis essential for the ultimate flavorful output!)

In a large bowl, beat together the sugar, oil, eggs, milk, yoghurt, and pumpkin. It should be pretty runny, if it holds its shape or has air bubbles, add a little more milk.

In a medium bowl, stir together all the rest of your ingredients.

In the large bowl again, dump in your dry ingredients. But gradually. Then stir it all together, and whaddaya get? Pumpkin muffin batter! (Add some more milk if it's too thick, it should be a little thicker than cake batter.)

Bake for roughly 15 minutes at 350 degrees (Fahrenheit, if any of you were wondering.)

Happy munching!

Dear reader: Oops

Yeah. Sorry for the crazy lay out of that last post... Oh well, I'm too lazy to fix it.

Dear reader: Aaand we're back! (or at least, I am)

Heheh. Well hello there, haven't seen you in awhile. I would like to apologize for my negligence. Ok my utter lack of any recognition of the existence of my blog for months.

And now that that apology's over with, let's jump right into some spring colors that I find quite zesty (pun fully intended)!

While some may think mustard yellow is an overall seedy color (I'm terribly sorry, see what tech fortnight has done to me?), I find it delightful when paired with turquoise and a deep orange.

And that is all! Mainly because my mom is calling me to the table. And has been for the past ten minutes. So farewell!

Dear reader: Tuesdays are Mondays sometimes.

Sometimes, Tuesdays are in fact Mondays.
Today is one of those days.


Raise your virtual hand if you agree with me that we should have nap time in high school? I mean, we need it way more than the preschoolers.


I think we should also get free warm chocolate chip cookies for bad days. I would totally go up to the snack bar with my "bad day cookie card" and swipe it whenever I "accidentally" stubbed my toe.


And precalc. Why would anybody *coughcoughDescartes* come up with such a terrible instrument to torture humanity?! Maybe to invent cures for cancer and build houses and stuff. Naaah, that can't be it.


Anyways. Tuesdays are Mondays sometimes. Today is one of those days.


The end.

Dear reader: a picture that makes me happy

This is my favorite picture ever of my friend cutting onions in scuba gear. That is all. You are free to go, my serfs. I have decided to call you my serfs because I hold the power to. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!